Friday, January 20, 2012

The Rollercoaster...

I can't help comparing this journey into authorship like a rollercoaster. The highs and lows are incredible. I don't think my emotions have ever been so wildly extreme before.

The euphoria when I'm acknowledged, accepted...sold. It's a high I don't think I've ever felt before in my life. An outcast since childhood, it's a heady feeling. A thrill that creates butterflies in my stomach and makes me giddy. Never have I been noticed like that. A painfully shy wallflower that most would have to dig deep to remember I existed back in the day, it's almost beyond what I can imagine, this recognition.

Then, self-doubt slams into me. I see the success of others, and have to struggle to not be envious of them. And I'm not, really. Do I want to be where they are? Sure. But I have to put in my own hard work, just as they have to get where they are. I do not behoove them their achievements. They deserve them. They worked for them. But I can't help the down that makes my stomach flip when I go to see only 1 or 2 books sold for an entire month. My internal muse witnesses the lack of interest, and crawls into a corner of depression. How am I to write, when my inspiration has abandoned me? I don't. And that's a problem. Do I think I have talent? I'm not sure. But I love to write. It's the only thing I really have a passion for. But my muse is angry, mutters that I'm just a loser, wantabe writer that will never amount to anything close to what I encounter in the published world. And I fight to deny that.

So, without the motivation to create further, I fall back to hanging on FB, watching others announce releases, show new covers, gush over sales. Watch others interact, banter and show their considerable knowledge in the authorship world, and their adoration of each other. I'm stunned to see such camaraderie. And, yes, battle a twinge of jealousy. How could I not? They have something I've never had. True friendships with people who have so much in common with them. And the muses that they create for each other? Oh, to have a friend to call my very own muse. That would be a dream come true. And I don't dream anymore. Have goals? Certainly. But I gave up on my dreams a long time ago.

Suddenly, they are there, bantering with me, holding me up with praise and appreciation. And my emotions soar once more. They know me! They acknowledge me! They SEE me!!! The little shy wallflower with a burgeoning talent and fangirl attitude. So, the tightness of my stomach turns to butterflies once more. They know who CR Guiliano is! Some have even read her books. Can you imagine that? Authors that have considerable more talent, recognition and knowledge have read one of my creations.....and liked it!! And I cry. Just as I cry when I am at the bottom of the emotional whirlpool.

I have to say, I never was one to be fond of rollercoasters. But this ride, I hope in the end, will be well worth the price of admission. Maybe....a real dream....

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Definition: A ghostwriter is a professional writer who is paid to write books, articles, stories, reports, or other texts that are officially credited to another person.
I have tried to look at this from both sides, as a writer and even as a reader.
First, why would you want someone else to write your work? As an author, I could not imagine not writing my own stories. I mean, what is the point of calling yourself a writer, if you aren’t the one doing it? Seems a bit…deceitful. Think about it. Every writer has their own special style, and no matter how good that ‘professional’ writer might be, they are not you. They cannot capture your style precisely. And as a reader, I have caught onto that. I’ve read authors, only to be disappointed when it ‘feels’ as if it’s not them behind the story. Interpretation, even in fictional writing, is as adverse as fingerprints.
I can feel the guilt kicking in as well. To put my name on something that someone else wrote? Why? Why would I want to own something that, ultimately, had nothing to do with me besides my name? Hell, when you think about it, you would have to read what the ghostwriter wrote, just to answer questions about it. And if you aren’t thorough, you risk the embarrassment of people figuring out; you never wrote it in the first place. I say embarrassment, which would be how I would feel. If you have the gumption to blurt out that it was written by a ghostwriter, then by all means, go for it. That alone would embarrass me. It tells my readers that I didn’t take the time to pen a story worthy of their reading. It lets me readers know that I didn’t think highly enough of them, that they couldn’t figure out it wasn’t me.
Now, on the other side of the coin, why would you want to be a ghostwriter? Prestige? No, because the credit goes to someone else. Recognition? Again, no, because your name never appears. Money? Why be paid for something you wrote for someone else, when you could just as easily get paid for it with your name on the work? If you are a ‘professional’ writer, would you not want the pride that goes with seeing your name in publication versus someone else?
And don’t even mention the work that goes into writing. Where is this person who gets the credit when you are writing, researching, edit, re-writing and generally doing all the grunt work and providing the polished final product? They are there basking in the accolades if it is well received and pointing to the ‘ghostwriter’ when ridiculed. Accolades, or ridicule aside, I want the recognition of all the hard work I put into something, not hand it over to someone else.
All of this being said, I applaud anyone who is a ghostwriter. They are better people than I would be. I’m selfish. I want to be known for what I write. I can see where a ghostwriter would be selfless, allowing someone else to have the credit for their hard work. But I ask, again….why?