I’m single. I lost my husband of 28 years, three years ago. I’m lonely. But I have many virtual men in my life. Aside from the fact that nearly all of them are gay, I love them dearly. I could go as far as to say I am in love with them.
I know it sounds insane, and quirky, and maybe even eccentric. As an author, I’ve created many men. Most have all the qualities I would want in a significant other, flaws included. No man is perfect, no human being is perfect. But if I were to ever meet any of them on the street, I would be instantly infatuated.
I create my men to be smart, emotional and sexy. Some are gorgeous, some not so much. They range from older teens to men my own age. Different men for the different stages in my life. Yes, I pull their personalities from what I would want in a man at different times in my life.
Many of them are vulnerable, because I am vulnerable. Many of them struggle with self-esteem over lovers because I struggle with self-esteem about dating. Some are shy, because I am, but many are not, because I adore a man that can take charge and is confident in himself.
Some of them have anger issues, something pulled from my experience with my husband. But they overcome it, as my husband did not. Most are humble in some way. I like my men to be oblivious about their charm. Yes, I’ve created a few who are arrogant and think they are God’s gift to every gay man out there. But they learn they are not. Sometimes, painfully. I do love to torture my men.
Most of my men are generous, sometimes to the detriment of their lives. Also something I experienced with my husband. We did without many times because my husband gave what we had to others. This didn’t upset me unless it was unnecessary.
My harem is extensive and varied. Blonds, brunettes, even a couple of redheads. Eyes that travel from light blue to a brown so dark as to be black. Men are beautiful and I don’t want to limit my loves to one type.
I have men that go from thin, pale twinks to large, muscular bears. Again, I don’t want to limit the beauty that I create. Most fall somewhere in between. Some are very average, and most are not stereotypical. The stereotypical gay man is a societal based prejudice. Or at least in my opinion. I have never seen nor met a gay man with a limp wrist, lisp or overabundance of makeup. Do they exist? Maybe. I don’t know, nor do I care.
I love my men, gay or straight. Being in love with your characters has one distinct advantage. It helps you create depth. My men are complicated because I love them and make them as close to realistic as I can. They yell, scream, cry, laugh, growl, fight and love. They get angry, sad, happy, aroused and disinterested because they are as human as I can make them.
Is it weird that I am in love with my characters? Probably. Do I think others will think I am crazy? Possibly. Do I care? No. My sister says I am a true author because I am weird. She may be right. I hope that I am a true author because I can create stories that are good, entertaining and bring out the emotions in my readers. And have them fall in love with my characters as much as I have.